when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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