I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
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I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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