lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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