He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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