GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
