i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
