I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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