i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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