OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
