Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
