I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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