come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
