the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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