I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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