Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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