if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We are two peas in an std pod
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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