There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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