There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
