I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
