Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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