No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
