btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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