i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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