found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
