K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
