When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
