girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
