he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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