Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
