Hey man sorry I got all grabby
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
