I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
