matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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