So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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