Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
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He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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