i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
