after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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