we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize