new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
