You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
