How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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