literally had 100 drinks last night.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
this is an emotional support booty call
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
