Kiss
Puke
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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