Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
