Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
