READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
