I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I came so hard my ears popped.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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