So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
