I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
