I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
