Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
