why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
