so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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