I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
