I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
