He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
