great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
