Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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