We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
