I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
