I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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