remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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