You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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