Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
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