cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
