I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
