so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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