he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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