She is in my trunk
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
