capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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