After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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