i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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