I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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