She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
