Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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