Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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