Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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