if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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