I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
