Plan B is the new Plan A
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
