Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
