How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
