you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
