That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
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It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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