I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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