i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
