Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
